Choosing your wedding party – let the drama begin…

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Decisions Decisions Decisions… 
For women, choosing your wedding party may be a series of thoughts and hours of daydreaming as a young girl. In my experience, Men don’t struggle with this part of wedding planning nearly as much as women do.
For guys, it’s about – who do I still talk to? Was I in their wedding party? Or, picking a group of fun guys who will throw a kick-ass bachelor party!
The million-dollar question, “WHO will be standing next to me on my special day?” That’s not the only important question to ask oneself, but more so, “HOW does one choose the WHOs?”
Is there some guideline or standard when picking those special people who have meant so much to you? Maybe, some kind of scorecard which helps you make these difficult sessions.  Who will be on up on stage with you, and who will be in the audience wishing they were part of that group on stage? Tough decisions!
This is by all means recognized as your core group of favorite loving people in your life. This group should reflect those who have been your “day-ones” and those who know your intimate secrets and the journey you started since you met your soon-to-be husband. Right?!
Who to choose?
This will be an easy process for some due to many different factors (i.e., a shortlist of friends or family), but life blessed us with many special people for most of us. To leave someone out could result in hurt feelings, resentment, or loss of friendship.
I don’t write this article to stress you out (like you need any help in that part of your life). I hope to shed some light on possible ways to choose your wedding party.
As a Wedding Officiant (Hernandez Weddings) for the past 11 years, I’ve seen many types of wedding parties. And heard how these wedding parties were created. Sometimes, I was asked to help them choose who should be standing next to the couple.
Also, asked: How many people should they have in their party? OR. How could they incorporate a part of the wedding, including those left out of the party?
The typical reasoning for the selected people in the wedding party range from:
1. My best friend since grade school
2. She’s my sister or favorite cousin
3. I was in her wedding party (so I feel obligated)
4. My parents are making me to add her to the group
5. She’s my super sensitive friend, and if she’s not in the wedding party, I’ll never hear the end of it.
There are plenty of different reasons which you choose. My advice is to choose wisely and doesn’t feel obligated. So many times, I see couples having to bend backward for others on THEIR special day.
Which completely goes against the whole significance of your wedding day. This is YOUR day, and people will understand that. It can’t be about them (yes, even the sensitive friends). However, the fear of not including everyone you possibly can is real and can be overwhelming!
Soooo, here is some advice based on my experience. When asked to offer an outside objective opinion on how to choose a wedding party for my clients. I recommend the following.
  1. Try to keep your wedding party under six people – the logic behind this is two-fold. A. Only so many people can fit on that stage. You only have so much room to fan out the wedding party, even outside weddings. B. The more you add, the more you’ll keep adding – it will become endless (trust me).
  1. Don’t choose under the influence of guilt, pity, or during a night out drinking with your girlfriends – remember, this is your day, and you get to be selfish. Tip: create a few soft-stern explanations as to why someone wasn’t chosen (if asked).
  2. If you need a tie-breaker, remember that you can have one of your girls serve in a different capacity at your wedding. Sometimes, I’ve seen brides ask a particular best friend (with “management skills”) to help as a wedding planner versus in the wedding party.
  3. Choose those who are flexible, supportive of your goals, and will make YOU shine bright like a diamond on your special day – this group should not be complaining about your wedding colors, bitching about what order they have to line up in, or anyone that can’t be available when you need them.
  4. Don’t feel obligated to choose your group of girls based on who is in the groom’s party – spouses or girlfriends are not a shoo-in for your wedding party. Remember, it’s ok to be selfish, so you choose!
Additional Duties
If you find yourself stuck in a position where you have two girls you want to be included in your wedding party, you can only choose one—suggestion: select one of them to be part of your wedding by providing a special service.
For example, I’ve conducted ceremonies (Hernandez Weddings) where (1) or (2) different people did a reading during the ceremony. Sometimes, it was a bible verse, poem, or short story; being read during the wedding ceremony. This person has an important role since they will have an active part in the ceremony and will need to be comfortable with public speaking (which isn’t easy).
Also, behind-the-scenes support is helpful in so many ways. This person can set up a gift registry, set up social media pages, communicate upcoming dates, and help with decorations or other important decisions. Make sure not to overwhelm this person; perhaps this is a multi-person process. The more, the merrier…
Blessings
These aren’t easy decisions to make, but it’s a part of planning a wedding. This doesn’t have to be too stressful, and I hope the suggestions I provided above help minimize your stress so you can fill yourself with joy and excitement.
Good Luck, and God Bless!

Vow Renewals: How to plan the perfect ceremony

Hernandez Weddings vow renewal

What is a vow renewal ceremony?

A vow renewal ceremony is done for two reasons. (A) reaffirming the commitment you made or (B) You need to “Reset” your marriage. So let’s talk about the first one… Most couples will hit a milestone in their marriage and decide they’d like to celebrate with friends and family. Think of it as a party to let the world know – “I’d do it all over again”.

Now the second reason, well that is pretty much an opportunity to reignite the passion and remind each other as to the reason WHY you’re together in marriage.

This could happen for a variety of reasons (infidelity or perhaps you both have fallen out of touch) and it’s a great way to jump-start the marriage. Either way, most couples are happy that they did it and it helped to get them “back on track”.

What should you expect in a vow renewal ceremony?

These ceremonies are GREAT! It can either be put on by the married couple OR by family. Either way, its a chance to brag about how long you both have been in love, and you’re looking forward to many more years together.

Vow renewal ceremonies can be small and private to big and well attended. Most people don’t have crowds as large as the original wedding. Typically, 10-50 is appropriate for a vow renewal ceremony but if you have more peeps that you wanna invite – have at it!

Think of it as a 2nd wedding with the same types of details and needs. From someone(s) walking you down the aisle, giving and receiving rings, and exchanging vows. Heck, you can even have a wedding reception (read the next section).

The reception

When I have done vow renewal ceremonies most of them have had a reception. Actually, this was the highlight of the evening, in contrast to the “first” wedding.

An opportunity to mingle with family/friends and recount stories you and your loved ones have shared. A beautiful night of drinking, dancing, and laughing with all the special people who have been with you during your marriage.

On the contrary, my other clients didn’t see a reason to have a reception. Instead, they planned a large dinner with their guests and everyone met at a local fancy restaurant.

Now that I remember, I had two couples who renewed their vows by themselves (no guests) in a location that had a special meaning to them. This was a very intimate experience and both took place on a secluded beach.

Why do you want to renew your vows?

This question is a good indicator as to what brought you to this point. Why do you want to renew your vows? What does this mean to you both? The reason may be one of the two mentioned earlier or a completely different reason.

For the record, there is NO exact year when renewing your vows. This is completely up to you… And vow renewal is not usually practiced by a majority of married couples. In my experience, it’s becoming rare to renew marriage vows. Perhaps it’s due to financial reasons or people just don’t like the idea.

This is a shame since it’s such a great way to strengthen and celebrate the love you have for one another.

Not everyone wants a ceremony theme

A majority of ceremonies I’ve conducted or attended didn’t have a theme. It was more of a large receptions style event with toasting, dancing, and good times. Some shy away from creating themes due to the work it takes to make it successful.

Sometimes simplicity is best! It all depends on the type of person you are and the type of celebration you want…

Once again, there is no “right” way to have a vow renewal ceremony. If you decide to do a vow renewal ceremony some folks want to make it fun. I’ve seen ceremonies where the couple will make the theme a certain color or favorite movie character.

Maybe an “all-white” theme where everyone who attends just that – wear all white. OR you’re a Trekkie and want your guests to dress up in their favorite Star Trek character.

Where should you start? 

Aww, the beginning of all parties – planning! It’s best practice to have a clear plan and execute it…

This may start with assembling a ceremony committee (family members or friends) that will help support the common goals. Having others to address needs will be very helpful. Especially, if the event has a lot of details you will need to delegate.

Once you have a few people to help you out, start to sketch out what details you feel will be involved. Below, I have put together a shortlist to get you started – feel free to expand on this list as you see fit.

  1. Location – base this on a few things (number of guests, neutral location to guests attending, location has amenities you may need (ie. bar option)  or a site that has meaning to couple).
  2. Theme or no theme – think about what is best for the couple (some couples wouldn’t like a theme)
  3. Guestlist – who should be there to celebrate this event of love.
  4. Invitations – get feedback from the couple (unless its a surprise) and the committee on the look and feel of invitations
  5. Will this be a surprise celebration – if so, make sure guests don’t speak to the couple about it and good luck on keeping this a secret – may want to include them in this.
  6. Vow Renewal Ceremony – who will be conducting this ceremony? Will this be a 3rd party officiant or a family or friend?
  7. Full-blown ceremony or reception – do you want basically another wedding-ish ceremony or just a casual party atmosphere?
  8. Who will need to participate in this ceremony – make sure there are not too many speeches or having the couple do anything they may not be comfortable with.
  9. Any other vendors needed – should a photographer be hired or DJ (gotta have a bartender for sure)
  10. If at a private location – who will help set up and tear down

Either way, however, you decide to celebrate this joyous occasion is completely up to you. Just make sure, it will be an event the couple will cherish FOREVER… Cheers!