Decisions Decisions Decisions…
For women, choosing your wedding party may be a series of thoughts and hours of daydreaming as a young girl. In my experience, Men don’t struggle with this part of wedding planning nearly as much as women do.
For guys, it’s about – who do I still talk to? Was I in their wedding party? Or, picking a group of fun guys who will throw a kick-ass bachelor party!
The million-dollar question, “WHO will be standing next to me on my special day?” That’s not the only important question to ask oneself, but more so, “HOW does one choose the WHOs?”
Is there some guideline or standard when picking those special people who have meant so much to you? Maybe, some kind of scorecard which helps you make these difficult sessions. Who will be on up on stage with you, and who will be in the audience wishing they were part of that group on stage? Tough decisions!
This is by all means recognized as your core group of favorite loving people in your life. This group should reflect those who have been your “day-ones” and those who know your intimate secrets and the journey you started since you met your soon-to-be husband. Right?!
Who to choose?
This will be an easy process for some due to many different factors (i.e., a shortlist of friends or family), but life blessed us with many special people for most of us. To leave someone out could result in hurt feelings, resentment, or loss of friendship.
I don’t write this article to stress you out (like you need any help in that part of your life). I hope to shed some light on possible ways to choose your wedding party.
As a Wedding Officiant (Hernandez Weddings) for the past 11 years, I’ve seen many types of wedding parties. And heard how these wedding parties were created. Sometimes, I was asked to help them choose who should be standing next to the couple.
Also, asked: How many people should they have in their party? OR. How could they incorporate a part of the wedding, including those left out of the party?
The typical reasoning for the selected people in the wedding party range from:
1. My best friend since grade school
2. She’s my sister or favorite cousin
3. I was in her wedding party (so I feel obligated)
4. My parents are making me to add her to the group
5. She’s my super sensitive friend, and if she’s not in the wedding party, I’ll never hear the end of it.
There are plenty of different reasons which you choose. My advice is to choose wisely and doesn’t feel obligated. So many times, I see couples having to bend backward for others on THEIR special day.
Which completely goes against the whole significance of your wedding day. This is YOUR day, and people will understand that. It can’t be about them (yes, even the sensitive friends). However, the fear of not including everyone you possibly can is real and can be overwhelming!
Soooo, here is some advice based on my experience. When asked to offer an outside objective opinion on how to choose a wedding party for my clients. I recommend the following.
- Try to keep your wedding party under six people – the logic behind this is two-fold. A. Only so many people can fit on that stage. You only have so much room to fan out the wedding party, even outside weddings. B. The more you add, the more you’ll keep adding – it will become endless (trust me).
- Don’t choose under the influence of guilt, pity, or during a night out drinking with your girlfriends – remember, this is your day, and you get to be selfish. Tip: create a few soft-stern explanations as to why someone wasn’t chosen (if asked).
- If you need a tie-breaker, remember that you can have one of your girls serve in a different capacity at your wedding. Sometimes, I’ve seen brides ask a particular best friend (with “management skills”) to help as a wedding planner versus in the wedding party.
- Choose those who are flexible, supportive of your goals, and will make YOU shine bright like a diamond on your special day – this group should not be complaining about your wedding colors, bitching about what order they have to line up in, or anyone that can’t be available when you need them.
- Don’t feel obligated to choose your group of girls based on who is in the groom’s party – spouses or girlfriends are not a shoo-in for your wedding party. Remember, it’s ok to be selfish, so you choose!
Additional Duties
If you find yourself stuck in a position where you have two girls you want to be included in your wedding party, you can only choose one—suggestion: select one of them to be part of your wedding by providing a special service.
For example, I’ve conducted ceremonies (Hernandez Weddings) where (1) or (2) different people did a reading during the ceremony. Sometimes, it was a bible verse, poem, or short story; being read during the wedding ceremony. This person has an important role since they will have an active part in the ceremony and will need to be comfortable with public speaking (which isn’t easy).
Also, behind-the-scenes support is helpful in so many ways. This person can set up a gift registry, set up social media pages, communicate upcoming dates, and help with decorations or other important decisions. Make sure not to overwhelm this person; perhaps this is a multi-person process. The more, the merrier…
Blessings
These aren’t easy decisions to make, but it’s a part of planning a wedding. This doesn’t have to be too stressful, and I hope the suggestions I provided above help minimize your stress so you can fill yourself with joy and excitement.
Good Luck, and God Bless!